It is not a secret that I haven't been inspired to write lately. My last post was January 29 - I realize this, guys. Don't judge me.
I am going through a few changes in my personal life right now that are semi unexpected and make coming home to write something cohesive after my day job a little difficult. It's not that I can't keep up with my flower job - I've found it pretty easy to keep to a schedule of evenings and weekends! It's great because I am staying busy and I totally thrive on that feeling. THAT being said, I've given up a few mental self care rituals that I had incoporated into my routine over the past few months (writing being one of them). This blog is supposed to be an outlet, to show you a little bit of what my world of balancing a full-time job and floral side gig (etc) is about. So far, I am failing a little at the consistency of sharing. I shall keep trying!
This week I've been reflecting back on the recent wedding I was part of - my first wedding of 2018! Like I said earlier, February brought me little inspiration and lead me to trolling Instagram to play the comparison game during a lot of my down time. As the end of the month approached, I took a final inventory of the hard goods and supplies I needed for the wedding. I was feeling settled and ready, yet surprisingly anxious. As someone with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, it can be hard to shake these feelings when they come about. I've been able to cope and deal with these feelings pretty well, but it still KILLS me because I am the type of person who needs to have a reason for everything. In this particular instance, I couldn't see any reason to be anxious. All I had left to do for this wedding was design and execute, my favorite part of the whole process.
THEN CAME the day before the wedding. Otherwise known as the day with the THUNDERSNOW. After an early morning pick up of last minute floral details and a treacherous drive to the flower market, I had everything I needed for a full day of designing. I went to open my fridge for a snack and saw that the light was out. My power had gone out while I was at the flower market.
No heat, no power, no warm food. It didn't look like the power would come back for at least the remainder of the day. Cue the anxiety that had been lurking unnecessarily in my gut for the past week or so. It was light out at this point, but I realized I had to race against time because it would start getting dark around 5 and there was no way I could build bouquets in the dark. As the anxiety began to mount, I sat down and remembered the coping skills I've used in the past. This challenge didn't have to totally overtake me. I could use this to seriously bust out some inspiration. I stopped and stared at all of the blooms I had in front of me and then turned on Spotify from my 30% battery life iPhone.
After hours of designing, some of it spent in total silence talking to myself and my cats because my phone died, I finished everything and felt the best I've felt in quite some time. The inspiration totally kicked in and working within that tight deadline kept me off Instagram and helped me follow my gut on different design techniques. Sure, the next morning I woke up and made some tweaks to the bouquets before I hauled them to the venue, but I was so happy I could use my anxiety and turn it into something more constructive. My heart was so full during those two days and I was comforted by the fact that I am able to follow a career path that truly gives me peace even in moments of stress.